Hello there :) Just did a wee post about my uni meeting. Apart from that my day’s been pretty quiet. I had lunch in starbucks then got the bus back to the hospital. It broke down so I was stuck in the middle of nowhere for like 20 minutes and was almost late back.
After snack I caught up with ward round feedback (I’m allowed time out the ward every day again, going on pass this weekend and get to stop taking phosphate supplements) and had a chat with the ward consultant to ‘catch up.’
After dinner a friend (the wonderful irate-insomniac) came and we went for a wee walk and chatted for ages and she brought me Disney dvds a cute wee book of positivity :3 Now I’m sitting in the lounge after supper.
So that was my day. How was yours?
Ahh sorry I said I’d do it didn’t I? Sorry I forgot - you may have to keep reminding me :’) PTW
Thankr you. You are right. No point in making mountains out of molehills. There are other days/meals where portions gave been larger than expected and I managed to have it. It’s swings and roundabouts. I’m still trying to see yesterday as a win so thank you for the encouragement :) xx
Except that it’s not usually 100 calories worth of margarine we get…
I’m in such a state of apathy. I want to do something, but I just can’t settle to anything. It’s not that there’s nothing to do - there are plenty things I could do. Just… nothing appeals. I pick up a book for 5 minutes and can’t concentrate. Can’t pay attention to what’s going on in a film or on TV. Zone in and out of the radio, not really taking in a word.
I’m restless but my body feels heavy and fuzzy. It’s this sort of time when I want to self-harm. It’s not an all-consuming urge - it’s just there in the background - an itch. I think that’s the addictive part of it; even when I’m not feeling particularly bad I know it will make me feel good.
But I also know it won’t last and I’ll be angry and disappointed afterwards.
I tried lying on my bed for a while listening to music. But then I felt worse for lying down; somehow that makes me lazy, even though I wasn’t doing anything anyway?
Argh I hate this feeling.
Erm… There were loads of things. Chilli con carne & rice, cauliflower mornay, ham risotto, chips, some kind of fajita thing (I think), baked potatoes and fillings ‘build-your-own’ salad boxes with various pasta salads/meats etc… i didn’t take note of everything, there was so much I was a bit overwhelmed!
I was away for just under an hour
Wow that was quick anon! I take it you meant this lunch time? Well I spoke to the dietician about what I might get and she said it was okay not to get a pudding this time because the roll/portion of soup would be bigger than I’d get in the ward.
Low mood is lasting into today. But it’s not as bad. I feel able to try and take steps to overcome it. So here’s a post trying to challenge some of those negative thoughts from yesterday’s post. Long-ish so under cut.
I don’t really like to post it in advance so maybe I could just do an intake at the end of each day? Unless that’s annoying/unhelpful for anyone then let me know and I’ll stop/only do it occasionally. So here’s yesterday’s: