Eat. Live. Try.

Here is where I store my crazy thoughts while recovering from eating disorders, depression and self-harm. (Other posts may refernce my t1 diabetes, studies at medical school, cute cats and funny stuff I like :) Although I am DEFINITELY NOT pro-ed, I can't promise that things I post won't be triggering for some. I want to be honest and include the good times and bad.

I answered your question (thank you for you lovely encouragement and support) and put my bmi but changed my mind about posting it so I deleted the answer, sorry.
I don’t mind telling people off anon but it’s probably not helpful to post publicly because I know that it’s tempting to look even under read mores and I don’t want to trigger anyone. I’ll just say that it’s not healthy. Sorry, I hope you understand xx

Asker Anonymous Asks:
In a place to start healing again - what a wonderful way to start the day :) x
live-and-heal live-and-heal Said:

Aw you’re right :’) thanks for the positivity xx

Asker Anonymous Asks:
As a fellow diabetic I feel the need to inform you. Earlier I was watching videos on youtube and one of those annoying ads started but it was about diabetes so I kept watching and it was about a method to test blood sugars without puncturing your fingers. But it didn't say what and there was no link, no name no nothing ugh I was like TELL MEEEEE but nope. BUT THERE'S HOPE
live-and-heal live-and-heal Said:

Oooh thank you! I’ve heard they’re working on like a ‘closed-loop’ system where you have a pump and continuous blood glucose monitoring (where there’s a wee sensor under your skin the whole time). The monitor communicates with the pump which automatically adjusts your insulin delivery accordingly - so kinda an artificial pancreas :P
I’m not sure how much I’d like that tbh but its definitely an interesting solution :)

eluciidate:

this is how I would doctor

(via pizza)

Weigh-in. What a wonderful way to start your day -_-

Well, it’s been a long day. Feeling a little low right now. It IS hard to be back - hard to face meal after meal with no making excuses, no ‘I’ll make it up later.’ I guess it’s just sinking in a bit now and anorexia is screaming viciously at me for putting myself in this position. I don’t deserve this, I need to be thinner, sicker, I should have just carried on how I was going…
No, I knew it would be hard. That’s why I’m here. I need to challenge this. I need to fight for myself. I need to let this go. But knowing that doesn’t make it any easier and doesn’t stop me wanting to curl up and cry.

Hmm tmi maybe but I keep getting weird golf-ball sized lumps in my tummy coming up and like they move/go away if I press on them but come back and are really annoying. Guess they must be just food/air but yeah its weird

porridge-princess:

radsturbate:

marry someone who has a different favorite cereal than u so they wont eat all of urs

This is beyond important.

OH NO WE ARE SCREWED FIONA. why do we both have to be branflakes and porridge kinda girls?

OMG NOOOO :O
But wait, we both love them so much that we will have an endless supply and can make each other awesome porridge creations

Asker Anonymous Asks:
How are you going to have sneaky alone time when rachael is on constant 1:1 ??
live-and-heal live-and-heal Said:

Well she is allowed out in the courtyard on her own and there is a bench there you can’t see from the windows so we’ll meet there ;)

So I’m here, back in IP. Bags searched, unpacked, admission done, meal plan set, bloods taken, physical checks done, menus filled out (urgh I forgot how much milk is going to be involved -_-). Even had my first meal already. I’m determined this time to make the most of things. No trying to hide or get away with things. Trying to get my head down and get on with things. I know how difficult it can be for others when a new patient comes in and is struggling and I want to avoid that as much as possible.
Right now I’m feeling determined. Onward and upward.
Finally got to see my Rach too :3 Waiting for some sneaky alone time for a proper cuddle and catch up

Asker Anonymous Asks:
Can u post this for the anon?? That 'recovered girl' is probably just overweight now. Any 'recovered anorexic' I see always goes the opposite way and puts too much weight back on. U just being polite fi? Of course Anorexia's about weight, if she looked healthy or fat she ain't anorexic. Simple. You either have the anorexic look or u don't.
live-and-heal live-and-heal Said:

I’m sorry but I find this message quite rude and uneducated.
First, no she didn’t look overweight at all. She was wearing loose-fitting clothes so I wouldn’t really know but if I had to comment I’d say she was still slim.
Second, please think about how you might have affected a recovered/recovering anorexic by saying they ‘always put too much weight on.’ This is NOT TRUE. People might reach their set point, might overshoot and come back down, might not, might stay in the healthy range.
Third, if you want to be technical about it then yes, anorexia is about weight. But you can be anorexic without being emaciated or having ‘the anorexic look.’ What if you lost weight from being overweight? There’s only so much you could lose before your body shuts down and you’re unable to lose any more, but you can still be just as sick, have just as much internal damage.
Fourth, anorexia is a MENTAL disease and the weight is a SYMPTOM - one of many. You can be in a stage of recovery where you look, ‘healthy or fat’ as you put it but still be mentally struggling. There is such a cruel thing as an anorexic mind in a recovered body and I believe it’s one of the hardest stages of recovery.

So please don’t be so narrow-minded. It’s more complicated than being just overweight or underweight :)

Hi, how are you today? I have a quick question for you, I was wondering if you could let your followers know that I'm an advice blog. I give advice on anything & everything from eating disorders and other mental health, to friendships, relationships, family, sexuality, fashions. Seriously anything. It would be awesome if you could post this message so your followers can see. My blog is pro recovery & I have TONS of helpful resources on my blog. Feel free to message me anytime -Shelby
live-and-heal live-and-heal Said:

Hi there - sure no problem :)
Thank you xxx

Asker Anonymous Asks:
Hey fi, I'm glad all your meetings went so well today. I'm so proud of u for going IP I no it will be hard but u can do this. I'm glad people were understanding, maybe more people have eds than a think. Or used to have them. Did she look recovered? I always just think recovered anorexics are as rare as unicorns, u get told about them but never see them! Shows it's tee I guess!!!! Enjoy seeing rachel in there xxxxx
live-and-heal live-and-heal Said:

I’m glad too. Getting nervous now about going in but it’ll be okay. I’m determined to make the most of it. I know, mental health conditions in general are definitely more common than people think, and really need to be talked about more imo. It’s difficult to know and I wouldn’t want to comment since it’s not about weight, but she said ‘used to struggle’ i.e. past tense, and so I really, really hope she’s in a good place now.
Thank you - I’m looking forward to cuddles! xxx

Asker Anonymous Asks:
Yea it was that one. About being angry. I'm sorry x
live-and-heal live-and-heal Said:

I forgive you, please don’t worry about it. I believe it came from a caring heart xx

Asker Anonymous Asks:
honestly....you are just making excuses. Anorexia is so strong (you are stronger). You can't do this (you can). Yadada. Nothing we haven't heard before. We all know you have motivation but motivation is irrelevant right now because you now seem to be so stuck on "needing" IP to save you that you've trapped yourself in a place where you won't let yourself help yourself. You DO have skills to fight this. Your family care, friends care, choose to fight and FIGHT. Or not. Nobody can fight for you. X
live-and-heal live-and-heal Said:

I’m sorry you think I’m making excuses. I don’t know what else I can say to explain myself. Sometimes it ISN’T always possible for people to do it alone. If it were, nobody would die from this illness, there would be no need for inpatient units at all. I’m not saying I couldn’t get there eventually without ip. But my progress is slow and I can’t afford that right now. Is that another excuse? Just ‘do it faster’ you’ll say. I’m sorry, I really am, but if it were that simple I would. I KNOW nobody can fight for me… But people are always telling me to accept the help offered me - maybe people can fight with me? I don’t know, I’m sorry :( x